You don't need a weather man to know which way the wind blows

By now, perhaps you've seen Al Roker's pathetic attempt to cover Hurricane Wilma. According to Roker, the real news was that he has been unfairly targeted by print journalists for "trivializing hurricane coverage" and for "grandstanding."

This was Roker's reaction: "I’ve got your grandstand right here. Stop whining. Just because your medium is irrelevant when it comes to a breaking story like a hurricane doesn’t mean you have to trash others who are out there covering it."

Roker also lashed out at Florida Lt. Gov. Toni Jennings (R), who had said she saw Roker on TV on a beach with two people holding him down. "That would be like me saying, I saw the lieutenant governor drinking heavily the morning off the hurricane," Roker wrote on his Web page. "Maybe she was. I don’t know that."

The lesson from this flap? Evidently Al Roker has a Web page. Who knew?

So this is how liberty dies -- with thunderous applause

I used to like Natalie Portman. So much, in fact, that J. once sought her signature on a birthday card for me. (He sent a card to her with the pre-addressed envelope to send back. But she never wrote back.)

I haven't followed her career particularly closely.

But I received an update on her life when K. picked up the latest copy of Glamour magazine, of which she is the cover feature. Blech. Look, maybe the lots-of-make-up look is who she really is (instead of, say, Sam from the film "Garden State"). And I certainly enjoyed the over-the-top decor of Padme Amidala. But if this is the direction she's going, then I'm off the bandwagon.

If a frog had side pockets, he'd carry a hand gun

For years, Republicans have perceived CBS News as favoring Democrats over Republicans. Perhaps with that in mind, the network hired Sean McManus this week to take over the helm of its news division. A look at the Federal Election Commission records shows that McManus donated $250 to the Bush-Cheney 2004 campaign. He did not donate to the Kerry-Edwards ticket.

Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta

Thanks to an alert from Michael Ball, I pre-ordered a copy of the new Office Space DVD, which contains four never-before-seen deleted scenes. You are welcome to come watch it with Marnie & me any time. (Just make sure you call first.)

Chad Johnson watches too much TV

Cincinnati Bengals WR Chad Johnson will be guarded this week by Green Bay Packers CB Al Harris. Johnson's reaction? "There are two things for Brother Harris this week. The bad thing is he has to cover me. The good is he can save 15 percent by switching his insurance to Geico."

Good thing Yossarian didn't wear glasses

As hard as it is to lose my keys (and lose access to my home, office and car), it's much harder to lose my glasses. When this happens -- such as it did this past weekend -- I'm reminded of the obvious irony that it would be much easier to find my glasses if I could see.

Didn't you play the retarded quarterback?

Jason writes that the film Garden State is for "twentysomethings who just want to say that they liked something." He adds: "It tried to be about 14 different things but never really decided what to say about any of them, so it ended up being about kissing Natalie Portman." As for me, I enjoyed most of the 14 things the film tried to be. But mostly, I enjoyed the soundtrack, which currently is my favorite CD.

This weekend, I found out that Adam didn't think much of Garden State either. It seems to me that everyone seems to be placing very high standards on this film. As a coming-of-age film, is it the Graduate? No. But if that's the standards by which we grade movies, we're going to be disappointed a lot.

The real scandal is that Matt Leinert is dating Shannen Doherty

It would seem to make sense that if a team wins a championship, it should be the team-to-beat until it loses. That is, a defending champion should be ranked No. 1 until someone else beats them.

USC won the college football championship last year. Over all, they have won 29 straight games. And yet, the team is currently ranked No. 2 in the BCS rankings, behind No. 1 Texas.

To many people, this doesn't make sense. How can a team go from No. 1 to No. 2 while it amasses 29 straight wins, they ask.

The answer is easy.

The 2005 polls are based on games played this year. That is, 21 of USC's 29 wins don't count toward this year's rankings. And they shouldn't -- this year's team is different and has an entirely separate roster.

In a ranking of the last 29 games, USC would obviously be ranked No. 1. But in the seven games played so far this year, the team is just one of six undefeated teams (USC, Virginia Tech, Texas, Georgia, Alabama and UCLA).

Critics should pay attention to the fact that only the BCS has those six teams ranked 1 through 6. The AP poll and the USA Today poll both leave out UCLA from that list. Still hate the BCS?

Haven't I heard that one before?

So far, I'm happy with my page on this new site. But it's disappointing that my previous missives are lost forever. So over the next few days, I'm going to bring them over here. Do not be alarmed.

Shhhh, I can't talk right now...

Why do people insist on answering their cell phone when they can't talk? Isn't that what voice mail is for?

My word is my passport

Sometimes, when you fill out a form on the Internet, it asks you for a "word verification," by which it asks you to type the letters it displays on the screen. This is so that a computer program can't just sign up unlimited times for whatever it is you are doing. But if the only purpose is to verify that you are a human, why does it make the verification display so hard to read? The letters are usually wavy and camouflaged behind other wavy lines.

Fisher DeBerry, meet Jimmy The Greek

s"Afro-American kids can run very, very well," said Air Force football coach Fisher DeBerry. If he had more on his team, maybe he'd know that no one says "Afro-American" anymore. Meanwhile, Josh finds this map interesting and maybe you will too.

Her only fault is her taste for Jimmy Kimmel

Five minutes ago, I didn't know who Sarah Silverman was. But now, after reading her profile in the New Yorker, I can't wait to see her performance in "The Aristocrats."

Is 'orlops' a word?

Marnie & I spent last weekend visiting friends in New Hampshire. Take a look at some pictures.

What I stand for

At major sporting events these days, they ask fans to rise for the singing of "God Bless America." The phase-in of this song happened so fast, I didn't have a chance to protest.

The song gained momentum as a must-stand song after Congress sang it on the Capitol steps on the night of Sept. 11, 2001. No one denies that was a powerful moment.

Still, I don't happen to like the song. And anyway, I don't see why I have to stand up for this song. My policy is to stand for one song per nation. Unless we are officially demoting the "Star-Spangled Banner," I feel weird rising for the singing of a second song. I mean, are we just going to start standing for any old song? ("Ladies and gentlemen, please rise and remove your caps for the singing of "This Land Is Your Land.")

But mostly, I oppose the way it happened. There was no public debate on this topic. We just woke up one day and stadiums around the country were asking us to rise for the song.

Sixpence none the richer

The "Children's Safety Act of 2005," currently before Congress, contains a provision from Rep. Mike Pence (R-Ind.) that would classify films and TV shows as porn. Experts say this will mean fewer sex scenes on TV.

Great, another show I (might) have to watch

Airing opposite the N.L. Championship Series and Monday Night Football, the Colbert Report premiered last night. Although I like Steven Colbert, I was hoping I wouldn't find the show important enough to force me to find time watch it every day. After all, the show is a spin-off of the Daily Show, a show I already watch every day. (Well, four times per week. But it's not my fault that they are lazy.)

But Colbert Report would have been better off as an SNL skit. That is, we get it -- TV newscasters are idiots. Now, what else is going on?

To be fair, Colbert does spot-on imitations of TV anchors. But his show does such a good job spoofing Fox News Channel's O'Reilley Factor that it's possible only rabid O'Reilly fans -- not exactly Comedy Central's core audience -- will understand the references. And besides, once you've poked fun of O'Reilly's Talking Points Memo and his penchant of accusing everyone on the planet of refusing to be a guest on his show, what's left?

When it began as the O'Franken Factor, Al Franken's Air America Radio show spent all its energy attacking O'Reilly. Admittedly, it took a pretty long time for Franken to exhaust his list of why O'Reilly is scum. But after awhile, the show found room to take on bigger issues, and it changed its name to the "Al Franken Show."

Look, the Colbert Report is onto something. And given that it focuses on the absurdity of TV news, the show isn't likely to run out of topics. But isn't it all the same joke, really?

A sweet new year

Starting a new tradition, SAL organized an apple-picking trip for Rosh Hashanna.
Here are some pictures.

The first of a multi-part series explaining cliches

Today's lesson: The phrase "pushing the envelope" comes from aviation slang. In mathematics, an envelope is a curve that you get when you connect the successive peaks of a wave. In aeronautics, the term envelope refers to the known limits for the safe performance of an airplane. To push the envelope means to test the limits of what the plane is capable of doing. Tom Wolfe used the phrase in his 1979 book, "The Right Stuff," but it wasn't used outside of an aviation context until the late 1980s.

$2.97 to join the National Guard

Here's another reason why I need an iPod. Plus, people who sign up to be contacted by Army National Guard get three free downloads on iTunes. (Is a $2.97 bribe effective?)