'The Fridge' was actually pretty slim

Twenty years ago, the "Super Bowl Shuffle," was nominated for a Grammy for best R&B vocal performance. It lost to "Kiss" by Prince. Let's take a minute-by-minute look at how it holds up two decades years later: (Click here to follow along at home)

• 0:23 - There's a white guy in the background wearing number 51! But that number belongs to the great Dick Butkus, perhaps the best middle linebacker in NFL history. Did the Bears not retire his number?
  
• 1:14 - Mike Singletary sure has big glasses. Still, I'd love for him to replace Mike Sherman as Green Bay's head coach.
  
• 2:39 (and 4:06) - Julia Meyer plays the female referee who blows her whistle to bleep out the word "ass." Cheesy rap songs haven't gone out of style, but it seems very quaint to be worried about the word "ass."
  
• 3:02 - Steve Fuller, the backup QB, is featured prominently in this project, given his minimal role on the team. I suppose it isn't the first time rap music sought to win over white audiences.
  
• 3:58 - Is Richard Dent speaking English?
  
• 4:16 - This guy, Gary Fencik, was the captain of one of the NFL's best defenses of all time? He is Chicago's all-time leader in career tackles? Clearly, the designer steroids hadn't been invented yet.
  
• 4:33 - William "The Fridge" Perry seemed like a giant blob at the time. But he'd have to bulk up to be a defensive lineman today. A linebacker, maybe.
  

Thank you, dammit

It's the most wonderful time of the year.

HBINC has published the new Listen Dammit CD, and with Marnie out of town for a few days, I got a jump start on leaning what will become my new favorite songs. You can only hear a song for the first time once, of course. So it's fun to make initial impressions on songs I know I'm going to end up loving.

Anyway, my favorite song so far is "Eli, the barrow boy" by The Decemberists.

In case you're wondering, the dictionary defines barrow as either "a handbarrow/wheelbarrow" or "a pig that has been castrated before reaching sexual maturity."

A question from SAL

Let's say you are in Virginia driving north on I-95 and see a sign that says "Washington 71 miles." With the prior knowledge that I-95 does not go into Washington, which do you suppose is true?

• It is 71 miles until the exit that you would take to drive into Washington
  
• It is 71 miles until the Washington border, assuming you make the proper exits and turns
  

Martin Luther King, litterbug

In her own words, this is how Sarah Silverman she describes her new film, Jesus is Magic: "It's about the Holocaust and AIDS. But it's funny. And also, it's a musical."

If this is how her mind works, is there any wonder why she wet her bed until she was 17?

To all a good night -- and faster downloads

At Marnie's church in Madison, the so-called "midnight" Christmas Eve service starts at 11 p.m. Evidently, that's pretty common. She's taken me with her a few times, and although it's a nice service, my body has an early bed-time and is happy to get things rolling earlier.

But one thing is for sure: if you're stealing borrowing a neighbor's wireless Internet connection, Christmas Eve is the best time to get your high-capacity downloads out of the way. I bought a few songs on iTunes and it took about five seconds.

So much for supporting brick-and-mortar stores

A few days ago, I told you that I lost my walkman.

Today, I decided to go shopping to replace it. I have an iPod, so I was just looking for a regular AM/FM radio.

I started my quest for a radio at a store named Radio Shack. But it turns out that Radio Shack no longer sells radios. (Terrestrial radios, that is. By the way, with all the Howard Stern news lately, have you ever heard the word "terrestrial" more in your life than you have in the last month?)

Next, I went to Best Buy. No radios.

I tried Target. No radios.

I am thankful that my old radio (the one pictured at the top) is still for sale over the Interweb.

Let the Feats of Strength begin

Today is Festivus. It is a holiday marked by a tinsel-free aluminum pole and the airing of grievances. (Seinfeld's Frank Costanza gets credit for introducing us to the holiday, thanks to show writer Dan O'Keefe, whose father came up with the idea in 1966.)

Here's one of my grievances (it's more of an annoyance):

Postal codes, when used in non-postal settings, rub me the wrong way.

Example: An e-mail stating, "I can't make the party. I'll be in Columbus, OH."

(I will concede that "OH" is better than an alternative used by a publishing company I once worked for, which uses the abbreviation "O." to stand for Ohio. Now that is a stupid abbreviation. )

Will people pay $26 to hear the answer was 'yes' all along?

I have not yet read Maureen Dowd's new book on post-feminism. But I've seen her on TV saying things like, "Feminism used to be about squashing the perception that women are only sex objects. Now, young women are dressing sleezier and sleezier after looking deep within themselves to find their inner slut."

I wonder where Maureen Dowd would be without the feminist movement. But meanwhile, I fear that her answer to the question posed by her book — titled Are Men Necessary? — is "no." Otherwise, why would it need to be 338 pages? It doesn't take hundreds of pages to just say, "Duh, yes of course!"

Lucky wardrobe

Recently, a Lucky Strike bowling alley opened up in Gallery Place. Several cities already have Lucky Strike lanes, so this is probably not a new debate. Anyway, this is the sign outlining its dress code. Help me settle a debate:

Figuratively speaking, does this sign say "no black people"?
	Yes. It doesn't ban "hats" -- it bans "skull caps." White people don't wear skull caps.
	No. It wants to be a classy place and this is a standard dress code used to ensure that.

I'm losing most of my readers to holiday vacation. (I'm still averaging about 55 Lisa Guerrero fetishists per day, though.)

I will keep posting, but to those who won't return here until 2006: I wish you a Merry Christmas, a Happy Chanukah, a Kwazy Kwanza, a Tip-Top Tet and a Solemn and Dignified Ramadan.

Unfortunately, no rock to mark the sun's path on Superbowl Sunday

Today is the winter solstice.

Twelve years ago this morning, my dad woke me up before sunrise and took me to the Vilas Circle Bear Effigy Mound. It was only a few blocks away from where we lived, and I'd been there a million times before.

I had never paid much attention to the circle, an ancient Native American burial ground for the Ho-Chunk (also known as the Taychopera or Winnebago), even though my best friend Ben lived just on the other side of it.

Anyway, I was pretty annoyed that morning to be awake so early -- this was during winter vacation, of course -- only to be standing around shivering in the dark.

But it was worth the hassle. When the sun rose, it aligned perfectly with the giant rocks that had been resting on the mound for centuries.

It was very cool, although I probably waited only a moment before asking, "Great, can I go back to sleep now?"

What's up, doc?

I've never been a big carrot eater. I know, I know -- I should eat them more. They are a great source of beta carotene, yadda yadda yadda.

Anyway, I'm not crazy about carrots.

And for this reason, I've always been amused at the so-called "carrot-and-stick" approach to diplomacy, which assumes you can lure someone to your side with carrots.

Best character name ever

Tobias has no problems talking about the Bob Loblaw Law Blog.

But listen to this stupid promo in which Scott Baio struggles to prounounce his character's name.

Five times bigger, three times as addictive

The Express occassionaly publishes "Sudoku welterweight" puzzles, which are five 9x9 grids that overlap in the shape of a quincunx. It's also known as "Gattai 5" or "Samurai Sudoku."

They look difficult, but they are actually easier than a traditional Sudoku. It takes five times as long to complete, due to the sheer size. But the overlap helps speed up the process of elimination, which is the essence of the game.

I'm sure Charles Martin would disagree with me

The Chicago Bears won again last night, improving their record to 10-4.

The win means that they, not the Minnesota Vikings, are likely to win the NFC North division.

I'm pleased with this development, even as a Green Bay Packers fan. Sure, the Packers and Bears have a storied rivalry.

But I hate the Vikings more.

I like everything but the bathroom sink

I have come to dislike faucets that don't hang far enough over the bowl of the sink. It's much easier to wash up if you can put your whole hands between the running water and the back of the sink.

Otherwise, what's the point of having a large sink?

(This image, which I found online, is an example of the kind of faucet I dislike.)

Ostrich farmers with low self esteem

Arrested Development fans may remember that Zach Braff made a guest appearence in season two, playing filmmaker Phillip Litt. In return, Jason Bateman will return the favor and appear on Scrubs.

Bateman's role, according to news reports, will be an ostrich farmer who upsets J.D. and Turk.

Meanwhile, why aren't you folks more impressed with 916-call-Turk? Was my recommendation to call it not strong enough?

Then again, I can't wait until the Nats play the O's

I enjoy Christmas music, especially Marnie's collection of Latin and Spanish songs. For years, I never understood why people listen to the music for only one month per year if they like it so much.

But I think I understand now.

Part of the reason I enjoy the music is because I haven't heard it in nearly a year. Putting those songs into my regular rotation all year would be like a full season of baseball interleague play.

Proxmire/Kastenmeier, the original Uma/Oprah

Former Sen. William Proxmire (D-Wis.) died this morning at the age of 90. He was elected to the Senate in 1957 to fill Joe McCarthy's seat, and he retired Jan. 3, 1989.

Growing up in Wisconsin, I always confused Proxmire with Rep. Bob Kastenmeier (D-Wis.), who represented my home congressional district from 1959 to 1991.

Striking a fell blow to a great word

Today, we will be discussing the word fell, meaning fierce and destructive. The word comes from the Old French word fel, meaning evil. Presumably the word felon has similar roots.

Shakespeare's "Macbeth" is the first recorded use of the phrase one fell swoop. But outside of this cliche, the usage of fell has disappeared. And that's too bad since it's a great word. Or at least it was.

Wouldn't they know how old he was?

It took until last night for Marnie & I to find out about the tragedy at the Daily Show.

It seems that a staff member of the show, Bill Clarey, committeed suicide last weekend.

But how old was Clarey? All the news accounts say he was 25. And yet the Daily Show's on-screen tribute said he was born in 1982.

Dumbest resume feature

The line that says "objective."

Either it is uselessly vague ("To find a job that enriches me as a person") or it's just plain pandering ("To work for [your company's name here]").

Who is recommending that applicants put this line on their resume?

Dontcha wish your blogger was hot like me

MEXICO CITY, Mexico — Marnie watches VH1 or MTV in the morning. (She's also an ABC girl, meaning she watches Good Morning America too. I, on the other hand, grew up an NBC boy.)

Since Marnie watches videos, she is up to date on new music. I listen to the radio in the car, but that doesn't mean much since I barely ever drive. I used to listen to the radio when I walked to work, but not any more now that I have an iPod. Plus, I seem to have lost my walkman.

Anyway, my point, finally, is that I haven't listened to new music in a long time. And Marnie has.

I was hanging out recently in a Mexico City sports bar with some Chilangos. ("Chilangos" means people from Mexico City, but I didn't want the sentence to read: "I was hanging out in a Mexico City sports bar with some people from Mexico City")

Anyway, there we were in the sports bar. I was watching the Wisconsin football game, of course, and the Chilangos were watching a Mexican futbol game. At one point, we were discussing music and they started asking me about what "dontcha" means in Spanish.

After getting back to D.C., I discovered that "Don't Cha," a song by the Pussycat Dolls, has been on the Billboard charts for 18 weeks. Today, it was #40 on the iTunes Top Downloads. And every time I turn on the radio, it's playing.

Not only does Marnie hear music before I do, but so do the Chilangos.

Family Ties

The Jan. 9 episode of Arrested Development will feature Justine Bateman as Nellie Bluth, Michael's older sister.

IMDB tells us that the only times siblings Jason & Justine Bateman have appeared together on screen were two TV dramas from the 1980s: Can You Feel Me Dancing? and Right to Kill?

If it's up to me, Showtime is better than iTunes

SJB wants more Scrubs news, but she'll get Arrested Development gossip instead.

Showtime is holding exploratory talks about picking up Arrested Development, according to today's Hollywood Reporter. Still, each episode reportedly costs $1.5 million to make, which is too steep for most cable channels.

Meanwhile, the program is the cover story of the latest Eye Weekly magazine. The article mentions the possibility of having the show continue via video-on-demand or iTunes.

A City Hall for greasy crab cakes, not for greasing lawmakers

Situated across from the White House, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce taunts the rest of the city with its physical presence. And while it's not true that the Chamber has the White House in its back yard, that's only because it's in the front yard instead.

But all politics is local, of course.

Last weekend, I learned that the Chamber also has City Hall in its banquet hall. At the Chamber's annual holiday party, the business group showcased its political sway by placing a "City Hall" facade in back of the dinner buffet.

Welcome, Lisa Guerrero fetishists

Regular readers, let me take a moment to address the 75 people per day who are reading this site for the first time after doing a search on images.google.com for "Lisa Guerrero."

Google found me because of an entry to my old blog I wrote in April 2004: "Monday Night Football has decided to change its sideline reporters. Former Los Angeles Rams cheerleader Lisa Guerrero is out. Michele Tafoya, the first female to call play-by-play of a men's NCAA Tournament game, is in. Good move, ABC."

In that post, I linked to the image you see here. Later, I set that old blog to forward to this one.

Since Guerrero is featured in the latest issue of Playboy, quite a few people have been looking for online pictures of her. Many of those people have ended up here, representing about 80 percent of my daily traffic.

So, welcome!

(Although I should mention that I myself dislike Guererro and prefer Melissa Stark.)

The holiday gift lag

When an annual gift exchange is lopsided, it will stay lopsided forever.

Let's say you give your colleague Jenna a $15 gift certificate and in return she gives you a $25 gift certificate.

You make a mental note of this and remember to give her a larger gift next year. But Jenna too remembers the lopsided exchange, and next year she downshifts your present into a $15 gift certificate.

There is no solution to this problem.

Uh, does she come with the necklace?

Mervis Jewelers, located at Connecticut and K St. NW, uses live models as mannequins for their jewelry. Ronnie Mervis, who owns the store, explained the idea: "We wanted to put a lot of bling out there, and this is the season for bling, so we're going to do it."

No wonder our school children aren't learning anything

"Major Snow Storm Shuts Down Schools," the online Washington Post headline read this morning. I excitedly opened the curtains to see how much snow had fallen.

It was about an inch or two.

I turned on the TV (Since when do you watch live TV? Well, never. But we had a houseguest last night, and I wanted him to feel at home.), and the local reporter said, "Here in Chantilly, it's a good thing schools are closed -- there seems to be slush everywhere!"

Anyway, for my out-of-town readers who may be curious, this dusting is what caused D.C.-area schools to close:

Dial 916-call-Turk (really)

As I predicted, NBC will finally get around to airing Scrubs in January. The network ordered a full season (22 episodes) but has kept the program in hiatus since last season. As a result, they are going to air two espidoes per night, starting Jan. 3.

If Scrubs and Arrested Development both get canceled next spring so that their respective networks can air more reality programing ...

I prefer my football to be hassle-free

At first, I was happy to learn that Wisconsin will play in the Citrus Bowl, which is now known as the Capital One Bowl. After all, it's the most prestigious non-BCS bowl game.

But then I realized that the game is going to be filled with ads for the stupid Capital One No Hassle credit card. I hate this thing.

What is the "no hassle" part of the No Hassle card? They send Marnie & I about 10 mailings per week trying to get us to sign up. Does the "no hassle" mean that once you sign up, they'll stop bugging you to sign up?

Football from the eyes of Moneyball's Michael Lewis

After famously documenting the radical changes to the way experts think about baseball in his watershed book Moneyball, Michael Lewis has turned his eyes on football.

In Moneyball, Lewis introduced us to Billy Beane and Bill James, who believe that avoiding an out is more important than getting a hit. Similar to the way Lewis used Sabermetric minds to teach us that on-base percentage and slugging percentages are better indicators of success than RBIs and batting average, Lewis uses Texas Tech football coach Mike Leach to dislodge us of incorrect conventional wisdom in football.

But never mind stats, let's just look at formations. Leach believes you can confuse the defense even while minimizing the number of plays. You do it by running a small number of plays but out of many different formations. That way, Leach says, you don't have to teach your players a million new things to do. You just teach a bunch of new places to stand.

And who says the offensive linemen have to line up right next to each other? What if they space themselves out so that the entire offensive set stretches across most of the field?

What if they line up like this:



Instead of like this:



I haven't seen Texas Tech play this year, but I've enjoyed watching Northwestern QB Brett Basanez run his version of the spread offense for the last four years. Still, Leach's offense seems to go beyond anything I've ever thought of as a "spread offense."

Texas Tech will play Alabama in the Cotton Bowl on Jan. 2 -- I can't wait to watch.

No, I haven't gotten lasik eye surgery (yet)

In the winter, a beard is like a form-fitting scarf. If you don't like the look of your friend's beard, don't tell him unless you've first bought him a good scarf.

I'll have the usual, please

Augusto Vasaio opened A.V. Ristorante Italiano in 1949. The restaurant, located at 6th St. and New York Ave. NW, is now run by his son (Augusto Jr.) and stepson (Johnny DiBari).

It's a great place. Especially during the winter near the fireplace. Judicial luminaries such as Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas must agree, since they are regulars. Dennis Hastert too, records show.

And me. I'm a budding regular.

But since he still wears reading glasses, what's the point?

PTI co-host Michael Wilbon had laser eye surgery a few days ago. Now that health insurance will pay for part of lasik surgery, I've been tempted to do it. Then again, there are no long-term studies on this procedure, and many doctors will tell you it's a risky venture.

Anyway, I'm happy for Wilbon, who says he can see things he "had never seen before." But I can't help but think he looks a little naked without his glasses.

The legend of Ron Mexico

A couple days ago, I showed you some of my pictures from Mexico and told you I had many more. Now, I direct my hard-core followers toward Exhibit B, which are the photos that didn't make the original cut. Enjoy!

Tune in tonight for the post-hiatus return of 'Arrested Development'

Remember when "Sports Night," as it was spiraling into sure cancellation, poked fun at ABC? "Anyone who can't make money off 'Sports Night' should get out of the money-making business," Calvin Trager told Dana Whitaker, in the show's final episode.

Well according to Variety, we're about to see some similar dialogue with Fox's "Arrested Development," which is headed for cancellation unless a network like Showtime or HBO picks it up.

In an upcoming episode called "Save Our Bluths," HBO (the Home Builders Organization) arises as a possible savior for the Bluth Company. When the plan falls through, George Sr. says, "I guess it's Showtime. We'll put on some kind of show at the dinner."

What's wrong with names that start with J?

Why is it that most people who use initials as their first names have "J" as one of the letters?

• J.J.
• J.D.
• D.J.
• J.J.
• J.B.
• J.P.
• J.T.
• T.J.


(Note: I'm not counting Jay-Z)

Even Simon loves the SoftLawn

(Simon and Jay played catch on the SoftLawn last month.)

Until D.C. decides what to do with the valuable fomer convention center site in Metro Center, the city should do what Silver Spring did with its empty real estate: install SoftLawn.

The long-term plans for the site include a $700 million project.