Convention Center traffic, part 3

Every day, I cross the intersection of Massachusetts Ave/9th St./Mt. Vernon Pl. at least two times.¹

It is a difficult intersection to cross, since cars turning right from east-bound Massachusetts Ave. don't pay attention to pedestrians and bikers. Actually, I'm surprised I haven't been killed yet.

Earlier this month, the city installed a special light for the right-turning cars, providing a chance for pedestrians to actually use the crosswalk without having to play live-action Frogger.

It's a great idea, except that the new light just showed up one day without any fanfare — no special cones or flags to note that suddenly the intersection has new rules.²

Most cars don't realize there is a red arrow and continue to make the turn without looking to see whether they have a red light or not.

Yet the existence of the light makes pedestrians feel more confident crossing the street without looking behind them to see if they're about to be roadkill.

The result is an even more dangerous intersection. And a louder one too, because if a car actually does stop at the red arrow, every car behind it starts honking incessantly.

Britt, we need you!

¹You might recall that I've written about this intersection a couple times: once to mention the "3-D lane lines" and once a few months later regarding the "lane line thickeners."
²They did install a new sign saying "right turn on green only," but
no one seems to have noticed it.

Nice rhymes

Marnie asked me yesterday what "krispy" means.

The question came up during the viewing of the video of "Krispy" by rapper Kinfolk Kia $hine.

Here are the first eight lines of the song:

I'm so krispy/
I'm so krispy/
I'm so krispy/
I'm so krispy/
I'm so krispy/
I'm so krispy/
I'm so krispy/
I'm so krispy

Anyway, I didn't know the answer to Marnie's question, so I went online to Urban Dictionary and Wikipedia, both of which define the word thus: "Krispy means fresh, raw, super-exclusive, and dope."

At last, we have finally have an English word that means "even more than exclusive." Then again, such a concept doesn't make sense to me.

I guess that's why I'm not so krispy.

SoftLawn, RIP

For two years, an artificial turf "park" on the site of a former parking garage in Downtown Silver Spring "has become an attractive spot for families and teenagers to picnic, play games or people-watch," the Washington Post writes today.

Indeed, it is always packed when I'm there. And although the SoftLawn™ covering isn't particularly soft and almost always needs a cleaning, I loved it.

Unfortunately, it will be ripped up this fall — county regulators voted last week to use the site for a $22 million ice skating rink and veterans memorial.

What, no hat trick?

Yesterday, the Washington Post wrapped up a four-part series by reporters Barton Gellman and Jo Becker examining Dick Cheney's role in crafting White House policy. Over the course of four days, it filled 14 full newspaper pages and gave a good feel for the inner workings of the Bush administration.

It's interesting to see Jo Becker's name on the byline since she left the paper to join the New York Times about a month ago. In fact, Becker was part of the reporting team for a front-page feature for the Gray Lady on Monday.

Is this the first time a reporter has penned front-page stories for the Washington Post and New York Times on the same day?

Attention real estate attorneys

Remember when I complained about a rainstorm that warped the wood floor in my front hallway? It was exactly a year ago.

The floor still has not been fixed. The argument has gone like this:

Insurance company: The building's developer built a faulty roof, therefore we're rejecting your claim.
Developer: The roof was fine.
Insurance company: Then why was it missing a lip on a the vent, which led to water gushing through the building?
Developer: After the storm, we fixed that problem.
Insurance company: Exactly. It should have been fixed before the storm.
Developer: Fine. We'll give the Condo Board some money to fix the water damage.
Me: Great. Gimme see some of that money. Or just fix my floor.
Condo Board: [Radio silence]

We're doomed

Women's clothing sizes, in which the number doesn't correspond to any actual measurement, are stupid. Men's clothing, on the other hand, purports to be based on actual inches. A man with a 31-inch waist, thus, should wear size 31 pants.

Unfortunately, it doesn't work out that nicely.

When Marnie measured me yesterday, my waist measured exactly 31 inches. Yet when I try on size 31 pants from the Gap, they slip right down to my ankles. By the Gap's strange calibration of inches, I am a size 28.¹

If men's clothing is no longer based on actual measurements, as seems to be the case, its sizing system is a useless as women's. And it is women's clothing, after all, that thinks it makes sense to have a size double 0.

¹This revelation in itself is troubling, since size 28 pants are hard to find.

When I have a lawn someday, I'll try this at home

I always thought baseball stadium groundskeepers created neat designs in the outfield grass by mowing the grass to be slightly different lengths, but it turns out they use giant rollers to bend the blades, thus reflecting light differently.

In a full-page feature on playing field artwork, the Washington Post explained that stadiums erase the designs every few days because permanently bending the grass blades would lead to bad hops and eventually kill the grass.

I'll report back after I've tried it

The folks at General Mills have unveiled a new cereal: Chocolate Chex.

Basically, they took a nutritious product and dipped it in chocolate.

I have to admit — it sounds like a pretty good idea.

(For more hard-hitting cereal coverage, see my report on Fruity Cheerios.)

Summer means more sideline reporter discussions

This week, ESPN announced that Bonnie Bernstein will be a sideline reporter for the "second-string" Monday Night Football crew.

Bernstein told me in January that her decision to leave CBS was due in part to the network's "minimalist philosophy toward sideline reporting."¹

It is fitting, then, that she headed to ESPN, which "seems to overdo using sideline reporters more than any other network," according to Philadelphia Inquirer columnist Marc Narducci.²

Narducci writes this week that sideline reporters work hard, "but that doesn't mean what they say adds to the broadcast." He adds: "[Sideline reporters] are really nothing more than window dressing. Too many have rehearsed information that also could be given by the announcers."

¹In a subsequent conversation, Bernstein told me she appreciates ESPN's encouragement to take on studio work and become "a more multi-faceted journalist."
²Thank you to WFY for showing me this column.

Behave, Suzie — your babysitter tonight is a guy named Jaws

ESPN's Monday Night Football announcing team of Mike Tirico, Tony Kornheiser and Ron Jaworski will have two sideline reporters: Suzy Kolber and Michele Tafoya.

The gender division of labor — the men in the announcing booth, the women roaming the sidelines to schmooze with players and coaches — is nothing new in sports. But this particular setup is interesting, since it matches Suzy with the man who babysat her when she was a kid.<sup>1

1</sup>Ron Jaworski was pals, you see, with Suzie's dad, Gene Kolber (known in Allentown, Pa., by his DJ name Gene Kaye). As far as I know, none of them have talked publicly about what stories Ron read Suzy or what games they played. But Tony Kornheiser mentioned the Ron/Suzy babysitting connection on his radio show the other day.

From Maine to San Diego

Photos by Marnie

Now that Enchanted Pants and Gray Pages have paved the way, let me bore you with tales from the softball diamond.

Jason invited me to play with his team the other day and put Marnie in charge of playing the at-bat music for each player. Stepping to the plate while "Axel F" blared in the background psyched me up so much that I popped up to third base.

I finished 2-for-4 and scored twice.

He drove a Honda in high school

There was some debate last week about whether Leo Sidran's commencement address would be well received.

Reports from Madison say the speech was a success, although the graduates did bat around a beach ball or two, prompting Leo to interject off the cuff: "I see what you’re doing, and I think it’s not a bad idea. You know, when you leave this room today, there are some things that you’re gonna need, and some big balls never hurt."

One sexual joke led to another:

"I've had the opportunity recently to speak with a number of students and teachers at West. You know, there are 16 students with 4.0 grade points this year. It is impressive. Some of the students described the pressure to maintain such good grades — if you had a 4.0 and lost it along the way, it was a traumatic and potentially humiliating affair. One student told me how she lost her 4.0 senior year in an advanced science class. Another told me he lost his much earlier, in freshman biology. It made me wonder, doesn’t anyone lose it in the back seat of a Buick anymore?"

The rest of the speech provided an inspirational message for graduates to follow what they love doing and move toward things that excite and scare them.

Terry Hoeppner, RIP

Indiana football coach Terry Hoeppner died this morning.

Upon hearing this news, I immediately recalled the last time I heard him speak, which was during halftime of the Sept. 30, 2006, Indiana-Wisconsin game. At the time, his outmatched team was losing 35-0.¹

Hoeppner told the the sideline reporter: "Well, we're not going to win. But we have two choices. We can give up. Or we can keep playing our ass off. My team is going to keep playing its ass off."²

I might be looking too hard for symbolism here, but those were motivating words from a guy coming off two brain surgeries in the past 18 months.

May he rest in peace.

¹I'm paraphrasing the quote, since it was nine months ago and I only heard it once. Indiana wound up losing the game 52-17.

²Photo of that interview by the University of Wisconsin Department of Athletics printed without permission.

Time to crack open the Monroe Doctrine

(Part of a continuing series on places I had never heard of.)

It turns out there is a tiny uninhabited island off Cuba that is part of East Germany. That's right — East Germany, the country that no longer exists.

The island is known as Cayo Blaco de Sur and is located in the Gulf of Cazones.

In 1972, Fidel Castro gifted the island to East Germany and renamed it Cayo Ernesto Thaelmann after the leader of the German Communist Party.

However, the island was not mentioned in the 1990 German unification treaty and West Germany never made a claim to it. As a result, the island is still officially East German property.

Sort of.

Hanging with Ted

I am loyal to the SkyTeam Alliance and fly its partner airlines whenever possible.

In my old age, however, I've put a heavier emphases on direct flights. As a result, Marnie & I flew to Puerto Rico via United Airlines (a member of the rival Star Alliance) so that we could travel nonstop.

Our particular flight was operated by Ted, an airline that is run by United and is pretty much exactly the same airline only with a slightly different color scheme and "economy plus" seats instead of first-class.

I had never flown Ted before and thus had never been exposed to the way they make their airline sound like a person:

• Ted would like to thank you for flying with us today.
• We hope you'll consider flying with Ted again in the future.
  
• Ted cares about your safety.
• Ted recommends that you keep your seat buckled during periods of disturbed air.¹

¹Yes, the flight attendant actually called it "disturbed air" instead of turbulence.

Fontfaces

The Helvetica typeface¹ turns 50 this year. MoMA has an exhibit to mark this occasion, which I'd like to see if I make it back to New York this year.

Here are a few companies that use Helvetica for their logo:

• 3M
• American Airlines
• Microsoft
• Staples
• BMW
• Jeep
• Toyota
• Lufthansa Airlines
• American Apparel
• Crate & Barrel
• Panasonic
• Nestle
• Fendi

¹Jeremy R. once explained that typeface does not mean the same thing as font. It was a long explanation. One that involved the history of the printed word. I learned a lot from Jeremy that day. But I've forgotten everything except for that typeface is different than font.

Monroe (Edgerton)

The other day was Jeff & Erin's seven-year anniversary.¹

That means it's been seven years since I lost Marnie's camera containing a complete roll of film from the wedding weekend and probably other cool stuff that we've forgotten about since there's no photo documentation.

The good news is that I've only lost two other cameras after that.² So I'm getting better. In fact, I haven't lost any cameras since Amy & Jeff's wedding.

¹I'd bulk up my congratulations message to them, but I don't think Jeff comes to this site very often (and I don't think Erin ever has).
²Actually, I've lost four cameras since Jeff & Erin's wedding. But I got two of them back.

Regents on the go, woo-woo

I ran into an old high school pal, Dov Weinstein, last night.

Actually, he wasn't really a pal — but we did star together in the West High Improvisational Theater Troupe. And actually, I didn't randomly run into him — I flagged him down after watching his one-man production of "Macbeth" at the Kennedy Center.¹

Speaking of high school buddies, it was nice to see my former classmate John Walsh² appear in the latest episode of "Studio 60" as Jordan McDeere's emergency room doctor.

And of course, Leo Sidran, last seen quoting Lou Reed's love for egg cream, will be delivering this weekend's West High commencement address.

¹Dov explains his company, the Tiny Ninja Theater: "I had noticed that there were these tiny plastic ninjas in vending machines all across the city, but no one was using them to perform classical theater. Something had to be done."
²He goes by J.D. Walsh these days.

A picturesque slum

(Click image to enlarge.)

OLD SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico — Just outside the 15-foot-thick walls of the citadel lies a neighborhood called La Perla. Travel gurus warn tourists not to wander into that area, even in the middle of the day, under any circumstances (unless they are seeking drugs, prostitutes or death).

We were skeptical about the warnings of violence — which compared La Perla to the most dangerous slums in the world, such as ones in Rio de Janeiro and Mexico City — but took the advice to stay away.

Still, the neighborhood looks pretty from afar (our guidebook called it "the most picturesque slum in the world").

Da House

OLD SAN JUAN, Puetro Rico — It is hard to pick a hotel sight-unseen, so I take additional satisfaction when I arrive and realize I picked a winner. Our hotel, called "Da House," was the hippest hotel we've ever booked.

It has no sign on the door, which opens only to a staircase. (For the D.C. folks: think Eighteenth Street Lounge.)

It is next door to the hottest salsa club in the city, the Nuyorican Cafe, and a bar that fills the alley with merrymakers. I can't wait to go back.

The Boys are back in town

Thank you to Marnie for this update:

"My Boys," the TBS show I watched last fall about the Cubs beat reporter for the Chicago Sun-Times, returns to the airwaves July 30.

When I'm feeling blue, all I have to do is take a look at you

OLD SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico — The first thing we noticed, upon arriving here via taxi from the port town of Fajardo, was the blue cobblestone streets.

I've seen plenty of cobblestone in my day, but not blue. And certainly not an entire city paved with 500-year-old blue tiles reportedly brought to San Juan as the ballasts of Spanish galleons.

After each full day of walking around the old city, I tended to forget about the blue cobblestone. But it was the first thing I thought about while stepping outside our hotel each morning.

Medalla y mofongo

OLD SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico — Marnie & I stopped for a drink at El Batey, a dive bar in the heart of the old city, and discovered that Medalla, Puerto Rico's finest¹ beer, comes in cans.

Unfortunately, we traveled light on this trip and did not pack any acrylic paints to leave our mark on the walls, which is what everyone else seems to have done at El Batey.

¹And only.

Uh, try the Orange Line

A headline on the WMATA site reads, "Weekend work to delay Red, Blue, Yellow and Green lines."

SAL's reaction: "Wait, is that an Onion article?"

Flaming Moe

OLD SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico — We stopped by La Barrachina, the bar where the piña colada was created by experimental bartenders seeking a perfect combination of rum, coconuts, pineapples and ice.

Very slowly, we're hitting all the important mixed-drink locations. In 2001, we paid our first New Orleans visit to Pat O'Brien's Bar, where O'Brien invented the hurricane cocktail from lime juice, passion fruit syrup and rum.

Okay, so that's two down, many more to go.

Spoiled by the South Pacific

(Click images to enlarge.)

CULEBRA ISLAND, Puerto Rico — When I snorkled¹ for the first time, in Mexico's Playa Del Carmen, I had some difficulties. It's not a complicated activity, of course, but it took me awhile to become comfortable with the mask and the concept of breathing while under water. I eventually grew to like it on subsequent vacations in Palau, the Virgin Islands and French Polynesia.

But something clicked on Culebra. And now I'm hooked.

The problem is that with experience comes the knowledge that even the best Caribbean spots are quite lame compared to the waters of the South Pacific. For the most part, Caribbean fish have drab colors. Even Hawaii has 70 percent fewer species than the South Pacific.

Sigh. I want to go back to the South Pacific.

¹The only remaining thing I dislike about snorkeling is the word itself. Snorkel is a pretty goofy word and is, in my estimation, the reason the activity doesn't get the respect it deserves.

Relaxing at the Dinghy Dock

CULEBRA ISLAND, Puerto Rico — A person could become quite used to spending the post-beaching hours sitting out on the water with a cold Medalla beer. (I'm hoping if I mention the beer enough, they'll hire me as a spokesman.)

On this trip, Marnie & I became regulars at the Dinghy Dock, where we were the only ones who didn't already know everyone else at the bar. I suppose it was like Cheers, but instead of mailman Cliff Clavin, the Dinghy Dock has Chuck (pictured above on the far left wearing a Minnesota Vikings jersey — click photo to enlarge).

Son Riiicas!

CULEBRA ISLAND — Superette Mayra, one of the only grocery stores on the island, has some intriguing snacks, such as 222 milliliters of grape soda or Frosted Flakes that aren't just good, they are riiicas!

There ain't no English going to be coming out

About 30 percent of Major League Baseball players are Latinos. It took years for black players to break the color barrier, but these days just 8 percent of major league players are African American, the lowest in two decades.

In fact, there were more black players on the Dodgers in 1950 than in 2007.

Gary Sheffield of the Detroit Tigers offered this enlightened explanation:

"When you see a black face on TV and they start talking, English comes out. That's what I said. I ain't taking a shot at them or nothing. I'm just telling it like it is. You're going to see more black faces, but there ain't no English going to be coming out. ... [It's about] being able to tell [Latin players] what to do, being able to control them. Where I'm from, you can't control us. [Latinos] have more to lose than we do. You can send them back across the island. You can't send us back. We're already here."

Make it snow

In February, Adam "Pacman" Jones of the Tennessee Titans brought a bag of 81,000 $1 bills to a Las Vegas strip club. He threw the bag into the air over exotic dancers, letting the money fall onto the stage.

As we prudes learned from media accounts of the incident, this is a technique known as making it rain.

Thus perhaps Rep. William Jefferson (D-La.) had $90,000 in his freezer because he wanted to freeze the bills so he could make it snow.

Ba-dum-bum. Please allow me to rejoin my Puerto Rican stories already in progress.

Couldn't they find an uglier beach to bomb?

CULEBRA ISLAND, Puerto Rico — Until the 1970s, the U.S. Navy used Playa Flamenco for aerial bombing exercises. A few old tanks used as target practice remain. Our guidebook warns snorkelers to watch for unexploded ordnance. Yikes.

The way folks have painted this relic tank reminds me of the Edgewood Rock in Madison.

Paradise

CULEBRA ISLAND, Puerto Rico — Over the years, Marnie & I have hit some great beaches in the South Pacific, Europe and the Caribbean. We've seen colorful aquatic life such as picasso triggerfish and 300-pound pa’ua clams. We've seen black-sand beaches and red-sand beaches.

But until our visit to Playa Flamenco, we had never been to a beach with such a wonderful combination of shallow turquoise water with no waves. I took this picture pretty far into the water while standing.

We've been to two other beaches on Culebra, each with far better snorkeling than Flamenco. But we returned to Flamenco several times on this trip for its postcard-like paradise.

Island Woman open for business

CULEBRA ISLAND, Puerto Rico — This morning we followed MJ's advice on when to find the Island Woman open for our business. Those of you who share my last name will likely receive handmade Island Woman gifts upon our arrival.

An update on the Island Woman

CULEBRA ISLAND, Puerto Rico — While walking through town yesterday afternoon, we ran into the Island Woman, who runs a little vending cart on the side of the street.¹ Unlike the last time we saw her, when I was too timid to ask when her stand is open, I approached her and stated rather bluntly, "You're little store is never open!"

She assured me she would be open this morning, unless it's too hot.<sup>2

1</sup>We know what she looks like because a local pointed her out to us a couple days ago when she walked into the bar at the Dinghy Dock, where we were having a drink.
²It is forecast to be 90 degrees today with 80 percent humidity. I wonder how hot is "too hot" for the Island Woman.