You don't want to sell me death sticks

Last week, Business Week profiled "death bonds," which are formally called life settlement-backed securities, which work like this:

• People who own life insurance can sell their policies to investors, getting an instant payment as much as 40 percent of the value of their policy.
• The investors pay the monthly premiums until the sellers die.
• Once the sellers are dead, the investors collect the full payouts.

When investment houses buy up policies, they put them all together and turn them into bonds, which they sell to big investors such as pension funds and college endowments.

As you can see, college endowments will grow if a bunch of people die earlier than expected.

From today's paper

I don't watch the Weather Channel and have never seen "Forecast Earth," a show hosted by Greenwire reader Heidi Cullen. Perhaps I should reciprocate and tune into her show sometime.

Move over, journalists — Billiam the Snowman is here

With journalists handling the questions at the previous Democratic presidential debates, environmental issues had not been a major focus. But at Monday's debate at the Citadel military college in Charleston, S.C., a YouTube question posed by a melting snowman made sure global warming was part of the discussion.

Billiam, the creation of Minneapolis-area brothers Greg and Nathan Hamel, asked the candidates: "As president, what will you do to ensure that my son will live a full and happy life?"

Greg and Nathan, who have created their own YouTube channel, told me they hope to ask another climate-related question when the Republicans candidates hold an event in September to take a crack at YouTube questions. They also explained where the name Billiam comes from.

Greg, a 2006 graduate of St. Olaf College, recently finished a draft of his first novel and plans to apply to law school. Nate taught English in Japan for a couple years before returning to the United States to pursue several film projects.

Below is my conversation with the Hamel brothers:

Where does the name Billiam come from?

For whatever reason, I (Greg) have always been bothered that the name William is shortened to Bill. If anything shortens to Bill, it should be Billiam, yet no one is actually named Billiam (that I've met at least), so I had to create a Billiam myself.

Mitt Romney was quoted as saying: "I think the presidency ought to be held at a higher level than having to answer questions from a snowman." What is your response?

We were amused by the irony of Romney responding to Billiam while at the same time saying a question from a snowman didn't merit a response. Billiam is now planning his official response.

Is Billiam going ask a question at the Republican YouTube debate slated for Sept. 17?

The likelihood of another question from Billiam being allowed in the next debate is slim at best, but provided the debate takes place (the Republicans seem frightened of Billiam and others like him) he will be back. We aren't certain what Billiam has on his mind at this moment, but climate change is his biggest concern.

Were you disappointed that CNN chose to direct your question to Dennis Kucinich? If it had been up to you, who would you have sought to answer it?

We were very pleased that our question was used at all and to have it answered by a candidate was even better. That said, I would have liked to see Edwards respond simply because he was laughing so much I'm not sure he could have managed to stay straight-faced.

What's a bigger honor, getting to ask a question at a presidential debate or getting to be the first non-human to ask a question in presidential debate?

Is was a great honor to be the first non-human, and snowman, to be featured in a presidential debate.

Toot, toot

Marnie gave me a digital SLR camera for my birthday. I haven't fully learned how to use it yet, but it only took me one week to get one of my pictures published by DCist.

For those keeping track, it is my second time on DCist (the first was a photo I snapped last July of the scaffolding in the National Portrait Gallery courtyard).

Will there be a Hermione spinoff?

Early into our relationship, I gave Marnie the first "Harry Potter" book as a present. The book had just come out, and people in my office said I could be "cutting edge" by giving it to my new girlfriend. As it turns out, it wasn't such a unique idea — "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" is No. 9 on the all-time best sellers list.

Marnie liked the book and has been hooked on the series ever since. Today, I bought her the final installment. I don't expect to see her again until she's finished it.

A.V., RIP

Augusto Vasaio opened A.V. Ristorante Italiano in 1949 at 6th St. NW and New York Ave. But an offer from kingpin developer Douglas Jamal proved too good to pass up and the family sold the property.

Tonight, the D.C. institution shuts down for good.

(Click to enlarge)

By the 7 arms of Visnu, I swear it: I am not a Hindu

Writing in the London Guardian, Manish Vij makes the following claim about fictional Kwik-E-Mart owner Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Ph.D.: "Until the rise of American Idol chanteur Sanjaya Malakar, Apu was the most widely-known Indian after Mahatma Gandhi."

Really?
No way.
He just made that up.
[Scanning my brain.]
Huh. Maybe he's right.

Money

Robin Givhan, the Pulitzer Prize-winning fashion writer for the Washington Post, wrote last week that Hillary Clinton showed cleavage when she spoke on the Senate floor July 18.

Today, the Clinton campaign responded by saying Givhan's article should spur people to donate to the senator's presidential campaign.

"Clothes? Make up? Cleavage? What’s really important in this race?" a campaign e-mail asked, urging recipients to take a stand against pettiness in American culture by giving money to the Clinton campaign.

At least it's easy to see what Clinton thinks is important in this race.

Billiam the Snowman

The YouTube snowman topped my list of great moments in Monday's Democratic presidential debate.

Mitt Romney didn't think it was such a great moment. "I think the presidency ought to be held at a higher level than having to answer questions from a snowman," Romney told the Manchester Union Leader.

Summer gadgets

Marnie got a new phone.

I got a new camera.

Greed is good

Executives at 20th Century Fox have signed a deal to make a sequel to Oliver Stone's 1987 film Wall Street.

Soon after reading about this news, I stopped by the Marimekko store in Silver Spring with my family. Perhaps influenced by Simon's affinity for words that rhyme, all I could think about was that the Finnish designer sounded a lot like Gordon Gekko.<sup>1

1</sup>This, in turn, reminded me of something else I found funny 10 years ago: a scenario in which news anchor Donna Dedee of WUHF-TV married Green Bay Packers wide receiver Don Beebe and had a daughter named Mimi Dedee-Beebe. That scenario never materialized.

Pay per view

Yesterday's Politico quotes Barack Obama as saying:

"The press would love nothing more than to put Hillary and me in a steel cage and let us fight it out on TV."

Say, that would make for pretty darn good TV. Meanwhile, here are my favorite moments from Monday's debate:

• A snowman asks a question about global warming.
• After bragging about their hybrid cars, the candidates are forced to answer whether they traveled to the event via private jet.
• Barack Obama answers a question about whether he is "authentically black enough" by saying he feels plenty black when hailing a cab in Manhattan.
• Later, Obama says he sends his kids to a private school because it's only five minutes away from his house.¹
• John Edwards says that he doesn't like Hillary Clinton's coat.
• Obama says that Edwards is wrong about the coat. He likes it, in fact.
• Joe Biden jokes that the only thing he likes about Dennis Kucinich is his wife.

¹Obama said the other reason why his two daughters attend the University of Chicago Lab School is that he used to teach there.

I'm Tuesday

J.D. Walsh is fresh off his role as Jordan McDeere's emergency room doctor on Studio 60, but he told me he is best known for playing the Domino's Tuesday Pizza Delivery Guy in a series of commercials. He also took me to task for mentioning Comedy Sportz and The Onion in the same sentence (although I'm not sure why).

J.D. said that of the people who sat behind him in Spanish class, Ben Zilensky made a bigger impression than I did. But then again, I was only a freshman.

Below is our conversation:

When people recognize you from your acting roles, what role is it typically from?

Domino's "Tuesday" guy.

Is Jenna Elfman flakey in real life?

Jenna is very nice in real life, and funny.

Which pays better, a short stint on a TV show or doing a national TV commercial?

Commericals pay around 5-20 grand. A TV show pays around 9 grand.

How would you rate Studio 60 on the list of Aaron Sorkin shows?

West Wing, Sportsnight, Studio 60. But I loved all three of them.

What's more fun, getting to do scenes with Amanda Peet and Bradley Whitford or tossing peanuts at Warner Park?

Doing scenes with Amanda Peet and Bradley Whitford.

Do you really go by J.D. these days or is that just a Screen Actors Guild thing? Does Deirdre call you J.D.?

Deirdre calls me J.D. It's a name I got in college.

How awesome was that guy who sat behind you in Sr. Zintel's Spanish class?

Ben Zilensky — he was awesome. "Romeo" was his Spanish name.

As a two-time West High commencement speaker, what is your critique of Leo Sidran's address this year?

I remember Leo being very creative when we were in high school. I would have to see the whole speech. I did love reading about Dov though. That guy was always really funny and a genius. Rare combo.

Both Comedy Sportz and The Onion originated in Wisconsin. Is there a disproportionate number of Badgers fans in the comedy world?

Did you just put Comedy Sportz and The Onion in the same sentence? Shame on you. There are a lot of Wisconsinites out here. My friend Marc Webb is a huge music video director.

By the power of Greyskull

Marnie thinks that Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff looks like Skeletor, the villain from He-Man.

I don't see it. Do you?

Longstreth Principle

In his sports column last month, Dave Anderson of the New York Times wrote: "One of the beauties of baseball is that anytime you watch a game, there's a chance you will see something you have never seen before." He repeated himself later in the article: "If you watch baseball, you will often see something you have never seen before. And may not ever see again."

Anderson was referring to the Longstreth Principle — which, according to its namesake, is often cited but rarely by its proper name.

The Longstreth Principle was born Sept. 5, 1987, during an Angels-Yankees game in which Tony Armas hit a broken-bat home run.

Attention constitutional lawyers

Vice President Dick Cheney will become president for a couple hours today when President Bush undergoes anesthesia for a colon examination. This happened in 2002 as well.

Section 3 of the 25th Amendment outlines the procedure for a president temporarily handing over the presidency to the vice president. But I can't find what, if anything, it says about who becomes vice president.

• Does the president nominate someone to fill in?
• Is it the president pro tempore of the Senate?
• Is it the Speaker of the House?

It is not likely to matter, of course, but if the Senate wanted to call a weekend vote, who would break a tie?

For me it was Roy Oswalt pitching in relief

After rooting against the Nats earlier this month, I decided this week to rejoin the last-place team's fan base already in progress. The team lost 4-2, but along the way I learned the Longstreth Principle¹ and Marnie yucked it up with Teddy Roosevelt.

¹The Longstreth Principle states that you will see one new thing at every game you attend that you hadn't seen before.

Make-A-Wish

On my way home today, I was held up by a motorcade going down 9th St.

Limos, Chevrolet Suburbans, security blocking traffic, the whole thing.

Standard ops for D.C., of course, but this one was different.

The VIP was a child.

An ailing child, whose dream of holding up rush-hour traffic by traveling in a motorcade was granted by the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

Let's see if Old Man Josh chimes in with his usual negative comment about this.

Where are they now?

It has come to my attention that former Rep. Gary Condit (D-Calif.) — my former neighbor who became infamous for having an affair with intern Chandra Levy — has moved to Glendale, Ariz., where he runs two Baskin-Robbins ice cream shops.

On race

Gary Sheffield created a flap this week when he told HBO that New York Yankees manager Joe Torre treats black players differently than white players.

The reaction among the sports punditry is: "Sheffield is not to be believed — after all, Torre is good friends with Bob Gibson, who is black."

However, that's utterly stupid logic that doesn't actually address the issue Sheffield raised. Besides, most people have no problem painting John Rocker as an anti-immigrant racist despite the fact that his long-time girlfriend was a black woman.¹

Meanwhile, Sheffield seems to have confused journalists by saying he is not accusing Torre of being a racist person. ESPN's baseball expert Buster Olney writes: "You cannot on one hand indicate that Torre treats black players differently than white players, and on the other hand say that he is not a racist. That makes no sense, and it is irresponsible."

Olney is wrong — it does make sense to people who actually listen to what Sheffield said. Sheffield feels that when he was on the Yankees, Torre treated black players differently. For all Sheffield knew, it may have been unintentional. After all, there is a difference between discussing issues of race and accusing someone of being an overt racist.

¹Rocker and model Alicia Marie have since broken up.

Beer pipelines and 22-inch-wide seats

I'm joined today by Sarah A. Leavitt of the National Building Museum. She took a hard-hat tour last week of the new Washington Nationals stadium and snapped a few pictures. Sarah, it's nice to have you with us today.

Thanks, it's good to be here.

Details of the stadium are still trickling in. What took so long for us to find out about the stadium's features? It's not like they started building this thing before there was a plan, right?

Actually, according to the Clark Construction project manager who took us on our tour, construction began before the design was completed. This turned out (unsurprisingly) to create some interesting problems as pipes had to be laid before it was known exactly where they should go, etc. However, they do have architects on site daily. Apparently this situation isn't that unusual!

One pipe that we hope they figure out is the stadium's beer pipeline, which will make it easier for vendors, since they won't have to cart up individual kegs to each food & drink station. Meanwhile, not many people know much about the new stadium's neighborhood. When you toured the site, what was there to do nearby? For instance, what was the view across the street?

It's not a bad walk from the Navy Yard Metro station (though in the interest of full disclosure: I got a ride so I didn't precisely exactly walk it myself), but they really have a lot of work to do before this area is tourist-friendly. As you can see from this picture, taken directly across the street from the stadium entrance, there's not much there. They seem to have torn a lot of buildings down. One that remains is the Washington Water & Sewer Authority — part of which looks pretty old, you can see an old picture of it here (and by the way, how cool is it that the sewer authority has a history page on its website!!) — which, though obviously an important city resource, is not exactly something you want to think about over beers on a night out. There are some other organizations tucked in around the site, but the rest of it looks like a dusty (and/or muddy) construction site. Clark is building in the area so I suppose there is potential. And as we know there were many businesses, etc., there before, it's not like it was empty before Clark/Hunt/Smoot got there. This site shows some good before/after photos of the site, and they have maps there, too.

The architects made a special effort to give most of the seats a view of the U.S. Capitol and the Washington Monument. What will the view be like on Opening Day?

Unfortunately the view of the Capitol will probably be obscured (ironically, by Clark's own projects) before Opening Day. (it's also obscured by my camera's poor zoom abilities... but trust me, you can see it now). Even now, the Monument and the Capitol are rather small — given that most people don't have zoom lenses on their glasses — but still, it does give you a sense of place. Our "tour guide" said the Monument should still be visible (behind a row of blooming cherry trees) for Opening Day.

Typical stadium seats are 18-inches wide. How wide will the seats be at the new stadium?

There's been much talk about the super-sizing of America...this is one interesting example. Apparently (this is unverified by me) the seats at Fenway (which opened in 1912) were 16" wide. Our guide also said that Pullman (train cars) did a survey around that time and found that the average American would be most comfortable in an 18" seat, and that became the standard — not only for Pullman cars but also for ballparks. RFK's seats are 18" so Nationals fans will enjoy deluxe comfort at the new ballpark, where the regular (dark blue) seats are 20" and big-spender seats spread out to a full 22".

I understand that Clark Construction needed to import some of the materials from foreign countries, such as the parts for the giant scoreboard. But given the strength of the U.S. steel industry, I assume the steel for this stadium is domestic, right?

The large scoreboard will come from Mitsubishi, yes. Also, the larger steel beams had to be ordered from Finland, which apparently has greater capacity than the U.S. to fabricate such large parts out of steel.

The playing field will be well below ground level — when they started digging into the ground, did they find anything unusual about the dirt?

They are excavating 6 feet for the playing field and, yes, in the process found some problems with the underlying area, which used to be home to some kind of auto-industry plant, and there were things buried there that leaked into the dirt. They had to remove and treat that dirt, and devise a plan to circulate the water under the stadium, under the many, many layers that create the ballfield. The grass will be planted in October so it has a few months to seed before the winter and then will come back up in the spring for Opening Day!

Good time for a great taste

McDonald's offers delivery in 25 cities worldwide and has plans to add another six to that list, Business Week reports.

The franchise is opening an outlet at 9th and E, not far from my house. Unfortunately, it won't do deliveries.

I don't eat at McDonald's much these days, but if I could get their French fries and new fruit smoothies delivered to my door at all hours...

Home of Russ Feingold

In 1996, Money magazine named Madison as the best place to live in the United States. This week, the magazine announced that the ideal living spot has moved about two miles west — Middleton, Wis., is now the best place to live.

My initial instinct was to roll my eyes at this news. But Middleton has treated me well over the years, especially the restaurants around (and including) the Hubbard Avenue Diner.

In Trusty's we trust

Just steps from the Potomac Ave. Metro stop sits Trusty's Full-Service, a neighborhood bar decorated with filling station relics, including the motor oil can light pictured above.

Owned by the folks who have given us Pour House and the 18th Amendment,¹ Trusty's is the closest bar to RFK Stadium. And it's a great dive bar -- especially when your friend knows the proprietor, who periodically puts free liquor shots in front of you.

¹The bar, not the amendment.

Does it take into account the detour on I-80?

A good newspaper graphic gives readers a chance to understand the article at hand.

However, printing graphics simply because they look cool has the opposite effect, as was the case on the front page of yesterday's Washington Post, which used this completely useless graphic by
Patterson Clark¹ to tease a story in that day's paper on climate change.

The graphic seeks to show readers the magnitude of 26 gigatons.² Clark chooses to express that large number by comparing it to weight of 300,000 Washington Monuments, which side-by-side would stretch from Seattle to Miami.

¹Clark may very well be a fantastic designer, and for all I know he had no control over the graphic's content. But his is the only name listed, so he must shoulder the blame.
²According to the graphic, this is the amount of greenhouse gas emissions that must be cut in order to prevent catastrophic effects of global warming.

My face is up here, Mr. President

This photo, taken in 1962 by Cecil Stoughton of Time & Life Pictures and reprinted alongside yesterday's Washington Post story on adultery, shows (left-to-right) Robert Kennedy, Marilyn Monroe, John F. Kennedy and some bald guy with glasses.

Home of the Comets

HICKSVILLE, N.Y. — Every few days, someone from this Long Island town visits my site.¹ For all I know, the enclave's name is a disservice to the townspeople's sophistication, but it's still a funny name.

Reporting from Hicksville, Long Island correspondent JQB says it is a perfectly normal town name. "It's on the traffic reports all the time," he tells me.

In order to prove Hicksville's normalcy, JQB took a field trip last weekend. And Joe, who was last seen at the SoccerPlex in Germantown, Md., shagged a few balls on the outfield grass just to be sure.

¹I don't know who it is. For that matter, I'd like to know who are the people regularly reading this site from Steubenville, Ohio; Willow Grove, Pa.; Tujunga, Calif.; and Manassas, Va.

Alcohol, the cause & solution to all of life's problems

Remember when my step-brother-in-law found a burglar in his house and chased him down the street? It was front-page news, you may recall.

James was a hero that day, but it turns out that he could have avoided breaking a sweat by just offering the burglar a glass of wine. That's what Cristina "Cha Cha" Rowan did. Read on.

A reformer with results

One of Mitt Romney's campaign slogans is the promise to "bring conservative change to Washington.”

President Bush has low poll numbers, so it seems safe to call for change. But Romney probably figured that touring the country talking about change sounds too radical. After all, "change" brings to mind a lot of tinkering around — the actions of a "liberal activist."

And so Romney landed on conservative change.

But what does that phrase mean? A conservative person generally doesn't like a whole lot of societal change. To me, Romney's slogan sounds a bit like this:

"Elect me and I'll shake up Washington...
... but not too much!"

Empty seats at RFK

With the Milwaukee Brewers in town last weekend, I rooted against the hometown Nationals for the first time in my life. The last-place Nats took two of three from the first-place Brew Crew, but I was there for the lone Milwaukee win. (As the picture shows, there weren't many other fans with me to see it.)

Washington Nationals first-round draft pick Ross Detwiler threw out the first pitch of the game. He bounced it to catcher Jesus Flores, causing Josh to boo from the stands.¹ Moments later, Josh leaped from his seat to get Detwiler's autograph. (Below, I have posted Marnie's documentation of this moment.)

¹Josh later clarified that he was booing Nationals GM Jim Bowden.

Babies make adults do stupid things

My six degrees to Kanye

In advance of Kanye West's show in Connecticut today, Eric made plans to chat with the rapper for an article previewing the performance.

We were getting ready to head to a baseball game¹ when Eric got a call from the concert promoter (photo on left). As Marnie & I prepared for the trip to RFK Stadium, we heard Eric say into the phone: "Well okay. But you know how it is trying to interview rappers."

Marnie & I shared a look, as if to say: Uh, no we don't.

Eric continued, filling us in on the answer: "They give you a big window of time in which they're going to call, and then they call 90 minutes after it's over."

Despite that generalization, Kanye called Eric right on time — a few minutes early, actually. The picture on the right is Eric sitting outside the Potbelly's on 11th St. asking Kanye about his fall fashion tips, his feelings on whether President Bush cares about black people, and what bands he listens to.<sup>2

1</sup>Go Nationals!
²As Marnie & I eavesdropped on the conversation, we saw plumes of black smoke coming from up the street. We later found out, thanks to DCist's incredible picture, that an Old Town Trolley bus had burst into flames. No one was injured.

He's the hip-hop-opotamus

(Part of a continuing series on look-alikes.)

The Flight of the Conchords, the band featured in the namesake 12-part HBO series, comprises Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement.

Thank you to Eric & Jason for introducing me to the New Zealand duo.

Say, doesn't Eric look just like Jemaine?

Rogering the fishwife

(Photo by Flickr user Eye Captain.)

D.C.'s Eastern Market, which had operated continuously since 1873, burned down a couple months ago.

Immediately, the mayor pledged to spend whatever it takes to rebuild it. Upon hearing that promise, my first thought was that as long as the city is going around rebuilding markets, perhaps it can rebuild the O Street Market. I mean, Eastern Market is nice and all, but the O Street Market site is right by my house.

The O Street Market, built in 1881, shut down following the 1968 riots. It reopened in 1980. Then it shut down again. According to news reports I dug up after hearing the mayor's comments, it's going to open again. But not as a public market. Developers are planning to turn the site into a $260 million mixed-use project.

Haltertop

It has come to my attention that the word haltertop comes from the German word büstenhalter, meaning "busts holder."

That is all.

So close, yet so far away

I got excited when I first learned that the D.C. Public Library offers free downloads of its growing audiobook collection. (Free music downloads is coming soon, it says.) I figured I could listen to books on my iPod while walking to the grocery store or doing other errands.

The library makes users download the files through a program called OverDrive Media Console, which touts the ability to transfer the files to "other devices" and burn them to CDs.

I figured that "other devices" meant iPods. Perhaps it does, but unfortunately it doesn't seem to work for my iPod.

In the meantime, I've figured out how to play the books on my computer, which isn't particularly useful to me. Oh well.

Old Glory

Recently, there was a flap over the new U.S. women's soccer team uniforms, which they will wear in China at the 2007 FIFA World Cup and the 2008 Olympics.

Shunning red, white and blue, the team instead will wear red, gold and blue.

The folks on PTI speculated that the women want to wear gold because they are on a mission to win the gold medal. (In that case, why wouldn't all teams wear gold?)

The problem with international uniforms is that pretty much every country has the same colors: some combination of blue, green and red. There aren't a lot of pink, brown and orange flags out there.

Still, the U.S. women are not alone in shunning their flag. After all, the national colors of Italy — the country that brilliantly dresses its players in jerseys with pre-painted armpit stains — are green, white and red, yet the Italian national team wears blue.

Got any spare change?

The embassy of Ecuador has a Web page that lets visitors get information on the country's consulates, visa requirements and humanitarian missions. One link near the top on the page stands out, at least to me: one that lets people make "donations."

If you care to donate to Ecuador, this is the link for you.

I wonder if the U.S. embassy in Ecuador accepts donations. Probably not.

Fat Tony

Years from now, pop culture aficionados will talk about The Sopranos. And the way they describe the show's cultural significance will imply that it was one of the most-watched programs of its era.

In reality, though, far more people watched King of Queens, an insignificant CBS show that had a nearly identical run. In fact, The Sopranos didn't even have a higher viewership than most episodes of Studio 60, a lowly NBC program that was canceled due to its "embarrassing ratings."

Obviously, The Sorpranos is playing with a different deck, since HBO has 28 million subscribers and the broadcast networks have access to all 112 million TV households. But that fact only speaks louder to The Sopranos impact — it had fewer viewers than every crappy network show on the air yet managed to create the most buzz.

I confess that I've never watched The Sopranos. Not even once.

But at least I didn't watch King of Queens either.